Cold Desert

عباس.. الأول مع مرتبة القرف

2009-01-11T08:00:00.001+02:00

عباس.. الأول مع مرتبة (القرف)!

مقال رفضت الصحف العربية نشره

د. محمد العوضي

أضحكني بالأمس حديث استمعت إليه (صدفة) لسيادة , رئيس (الدولة) الفلسطينية محمود عباس على قناة (العربية) اتهم فيه حركة حماس بإفساد موسم حج أهل قطاع غزة، وقال إن منع الحج لم يحدث في التاريخ سوى ثلاث مرات فقط؛ مرة في زمن كفار قريش ومرة في عهد القرامطة وأخيرا في عهد حركة حماس!!

تأملت في هذا الكلام الغريب لشخص حفل تاريخه السياسي بالعديد من (انجازات الخزي) فكانت السابقة الأولى في التاريخ وليست الثالثة (كما يتهم حماس).

ودعني أذكرك يا( سيادة) الرئيس ببعض تلك (الأوائل)!! التي تمت في عهدك..

- أول مرة يقوم فيها زعيم منظمة ثورية (تحريرية) بوصف عمليات شعبه الفدائية والاستشهادية (بالإرهابية) و(الحقيرة) وأسلحتها (بالعبثية) وينسق أمنياً مع العدو لاعتقال المقاومة!!

- أول مرة يظهر فيها (رئيس) ضم وتقبيل وعناق و....!! لقتلة شعبه, وتراه ودون حياء يكيل لهم المديح والابتسامات في الوقت الذي تنتفخ فيه أوداجه حنقاً وغضباً لمجرد ذكر اسم أخيه (حماس).

- أول مرة يتجرأ فيها جهاز أمن (رئاسي) على انتهاك حرمة بيوت الله وقتل أئمة المساجد وحفظة القرآن الكريم من بلده , وما دماء الشيوخ مجد البرغوثي ومحمد الرفاتي وناهض النمر ومحمد رداد الطالب الجامعي الحافظ لكتاب الله وحبيب الجميع؛ إلا اكبر شاهد على ذلك.

- وأول مرة تتواقح فيها شرطة ( الزعران) فيعتدون على حرائر فلسطين ويخلعون عنهن الحجاب والنقاب في الشوارع والجامعات.

- أول مرة يقوم فيها مستشار شخصي (لرئيس) بتهريب 3400 جهاز خلوي في سيارة التشريفات الرسمية أثناء عودته من مهمة (نضالية)!! واسأل تلميذك المدعو روحي فتوح عن رحلة عودته من الأردن يوم 19/3/2008، حين كشفته وفضحته أجهزة الجمارك الإسرائيلية, وغيره الكثير من (تلاميذك) ومستشاريك.

- أول مرة يقوم فيها مسؤول فلسطيني بإغلاق اللجان الخيرية ودور تحفيظ القرآن وتجريم مؤسسات كفالة الأيتام ورعاية أسر الشهداء والفقراء, استجابة لإملاءات العدو ونكاية بنده السياسي.

- أول مرة يقوم فيها حرس (رئاسي) بإلقاء شخص ملتحي (فتحاوي) من فوق برج (مهنا) غرب غزة من الطابق الرابع عشر وقتله ظناً منهم أنه (حمساوي)!! وكان ذلك بتاريخ 10/6/2007 مع الشاب المغدور حسام أبو قينص؟!!

كما اعترف القيادي الفتحاوي توفيق أبو خوصة في قناة الحوار ثم عاتبته فتح على هذا التصريح!

- أول مرة يتفوق فيها (رئيس) على كل (الساديين) فتراه (وبدم بارد) يتفنن ويتلذذ بمشاهدة وسماع آلام وآهات مليون ونصف من شعبه المحاصر بالجوع والمرض والظلام في قطاع فقير وصغير تأديباً وعقاباً له على اختياره في الانتخابات للفصيل المنافس.

- أول مرة يقوم فيها رئيس بالتمسك باتفاقية حدودية مهينة ومذلة تنتقص من سيادة(دولته)، وتعطي لعدوه سيطرة كاملة على منافذ شعبه وموارد بلاده, بل وتصل به المهانة حداً يقاتل فيه كل من يحاول إلغاء وتعطيل هذه الاتفاقية.. أليس هذا واقع حال اتفاقية معبر (رفح) التي وقعها مع إسرائيل توأمك (النضالي) محمد دحلان عام 2005؟!

_ قائمة (الأوائل) في عهدك (ياريس) طويلة طويلة يعرفها إخواننا في فلسطين أكثر من غيرهم , صحيح أن الإعلام المضلل يتغاضى عنها وقد يجهلها الكثيرون, ولكن التاريخ سيسجلها لك بأحرف من (قرف) تشمئز منها الأجيال.

ومع ذلك فكل (الأوائل) في عهدك (ياعباس) قد تهون عن كونك (الزعيم) الأول في التاريخ القديم والمعاصر الذي يأمر (عصاباته) باغتيال المقاومين الشرفاء فيما يسابق عدوه إلى تقديم التنازلات له عن كل شيء بدءاً بالأرض وانتهاء (بالعرض)!!

*ملاحظة: منع المقال من النشر في صحف عربية بسبب قانون المطبوعات الذي يمنع المساس المباشر برؤساء الدول, وكان موعد نشره أول أيام العيد المبارك.

Gaza by David Baldinger

2009-01-04T12:36:00.003+02:00

By David Baldinger

Hosni Mobarak

2009-01-04T12:21:00.000+02:00

Hosni Mubarak by Carlos Latuff

Mahmoud Abbas

2009-01-04T12:18:00.001+02:00

By Ben Heine

Gaza by Carlos Latuff

2009-01-04T12:16:00.003+02:00

Gaza by Ben Heine

2009-01-04T12:14:00.003+02:00

Gaza

2008-12-29T10:30:00.002+02:00

With the new year (both 1430 and 2009), it seems that the current aggression of the Israeli state against the Palestinian civilians helps us grasp several concepts such as, resistance in the digital age, terrorism, Arab struggle, etc.

First, let's just summarize what happened,

The [Israeli] air strikes that began Saturday, in which Palestinians claim at least 280 people have been killed...

Copied from here.

Now a quick visit to Oxford dictionary, we read,

terrorist
noun a person who uses violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.
DERIVATIVES terrorism noun

What does this make of Israeli government and army and all their supporters? Yep, you got it right.

Well, it seems they also find pleasure being terrorists.

Now, what are the Arab countries doing?
As for the Arab Kings and Princes and Whores (isn't that the English for عاهل?) they are also seeking more pleasure in serving their masters.

On the other hand, what are the Arab crowds doing?
The usual inefficient methods, protests and similar ineffective techniques that proved to be of no use. As for the Arab youth who can use the Internet, they can protest in more modern ways as well such as joining facebook groups with names like "Free Gaza", "Peace of Gaza", stuff of that sort... This is the birth of digital resistance my friends, if we get 1000 user to join "Free Gaza" facebook group, Israel will succumb.

Abou Trika - Video Removed

2008-02-29T18:14:00.007+02:00

All the video hosts such as YouTube and the rest are removing the video of Abo Trika's video showing him with the "Sympathize with Gaza" Slogan on his t-shirt!

Abou Trika, the popular Egyptian soccer player, is now a national hero. He won the hearts of Egyptians for displaying a slogan in support of Gaza at the African Nations Cup.

Continue reading ABC News

Now if you try to find the video online, you will notice that Google has removed everything. Below few screen shots or you can go ahead and try for yourself.

So, welcome to more misinformation and propaganda wars!

Why celebrate new year eve?

2008-01-01T22:49:00.000+02:00

Why celebrate new year eve...

You practice your arithmetic skills because you have to do a countdown before midnight. This is very good for the brain and for a more useful exercise, you can start your countdown from 100 downwards, or maybe continue after 0, -1, -2... or maybe do your countdown in Chinese. Since everyone will be drunk, you can do your countdown in any language without anyone noticing.

Never spare any opportunity to push your limits. You can use the occasion to test your alcohol-tolerance. What's your getting-drunk-threshold?!

What's a better way to end the Gregorian year than to help the restaurants, pubs, etc. earn some money to start rich the next year? Don't forget that you will also be helping new singers and dancers get some cash in this stagnant economical state.

The more outstanding the celebration, the better it is. Why? To help you remember to write 2008 instead of 2007 after that night!

In the age of consumerism, you need to show off in front of your acquaintances... Showing off varies; it can be something simple as to what hour you stayed awake, or something more twisted as to how many bottles you consumed, or something lowly enough as to how much it cost you.

After you're done with your celebration, it is time to do some drunk driving. Make sure to further try your luck at the early morning hours of 1st of January by avoiding to fasten your seat belt. If this year will start jinxed, then let it end early.

The red cross volunteers will feel better about themselves when they attend to accidents whether car accidents or alcohol poisoning or else. They will feel that they have served some greater cause handling those drunk people.

You will also help the internal security forces regain their self-esteem; they are failing to catch the criminals who are doing political assassinations so let them feel good catching drunk drivers. Once they catch the some drunk drivers, the Serotonin level in the brain of the tea minister(s) will increase.

Finally, regardless of how you celebrated the new year eve, I wish everyone a happy new year and may the 2008 be full of satisfaction and success.

Peace.

Eid Adha Mobarak or not yet?

2007-12-19T13:26:00.000+02:00

I wish a Happy and Blessed Adha Eid for everyone of you despite the confusion whether the Eid starts Wednesday, Thursday or Friday (or even later). This makes me wonder why would it be so difficult to agree on a unified Eid!?

Explanation 1:
In my humble opinion, the authoritative sheikh in KSA, who also happens to be the employee of the Saudi king, is using a defective calculator to figure out the correct movements of the moon. Or maybe the calculator has a weak battery which usually leads to erroneous results, etc. But I can assure you that the fault will be solely due to the calculator.

Explanation 2:
When we were kids, we learned that the Earth has one moon and we actually believed that!!! But as the Lebanese proverb says:
حبل الكذب قصير
which means means that “the life [rope] of the lie is short”. Now, with the Adha Eid starting today for some, tomorrow for others, and after tomorrow for the rest, we cannot but wonder how can one moon give three “readings”! The earth must have three moons and from Lebanon alone, you can spot at least two of them. Otherwise how can two scholars in Lebanon conclude differently; one says that Eid starts Thursday while the other says that Eid starts Friday?

Explanation 3:
A third explanation which also makes perfect sense is that not all scholars are spotting the same moon. Some might be watching the moon of another planet for that purpose; I won't blame these people because with the size of our galaxy, things can be confusing.

Explanation 4:
They heard one of the following songs and they got all mixed up:
“نحن والقمر جيران” ([We and the moon] are neighbors) for Fairuz.
“يا قمر مشغرة” (Oh, moon of Mashghara) for Fairuz.
“على بابي واقف قمرين” (At my door, stand two moons) for Milhim Barakat.
“يا قمر سلم عليهم” (Oh moon, send them my regards) for
“تجي نقسم القمر” (Let's divide the moon!) for Walid Tawfeeq.
“قمر الزمان” (The moon of the old days) for Wadi' Mrad.
“قمرين” (Two moons) for Amr Diab.
And the singer Mostafa Qamar, whose family name means “moon”.

Explanation 5:
They spot something else – other than the moon.

Anyway, in the mean time, let's enjoy the extra long vacation. ;)

The Age I Wish To Go Back To Meme

2007-12-19T13:22:00.000+02:00

Niki-chan tagged me to write about age in my life that I would like to go back to and experience over again.

I thought about this tag for quite some time and I couldn't come up with any reasonable reply; in every part of my life I learned something and there is no way that I could have accelerated my experience and understanding in any way.

However, I was most satisfied during my school days so that's the age I like to go back to. In particular, I would choose my last year at school to live over and over again. I was 17 years then old and I was so confident of myself and my skills; I had big dreams and an optimistic vision of the coming years, I saw great opportunities and a prosperous future. Plus, I used to get high (as in overdosed) solving algebra, solid geometry, physics and chemistry problems. Life was good; my only concern then was to graduate as first in my class!

I would like to read the answers of Engy, Lori, Metro, Nesrina and Jane only if they like to take this tag. :)

*******************Start copy************************
Instructions:

Title: The Age That I Wish To Go Back To

Requirement: Write about the one age that you wish to go back to and why?

Tag Mode: 5 bloggers

1st - You leave their blog and post link and add to the list below.

2nd - Let the blogger you want to tag know they been tagged by comment in their blog or etc.

The Age that they Wish to Go Back to:

Amidrin wish to go back to age 22 to correct back some mistakes in life.
Lemonjude wish to go back to age 6 to enjoy kid’s life.
Hui Sia wish to go back to age 16 to meet her first lover again.
Giddy Tiger wishes to go back to a childhood life with no worries in the world.
Eastcoastlife wishes to go back to age 24 when she's in demand
MikeM says it doesn't get any better than it is right now!
niki yokota wish to go back to age 3 and roll on the floor.
a h m a d wishes to go back to age 17 to enjoy again the most satisfactory year of his life.

Lebanese Sense of Humor 3

2007-12-10T10:40:00.000+02:00

Thank you Delirious for this forward! :)

The Perfect Presidential Candidate

2007-12-06T14:30:00.000+02:00

I was thinking about the perfect presidential candidate; what would his qualifications be?

The internal challenge:
The future president has to deal with two opposing parties and these two parties are crazy! You don't believe me?

Proof #1:
One of them calls itself March 14 and the other calls itself March 8. I mean, why on earth would someone calls himself with a date? Did they run out of names or what? Anyway, still, such names are not creative enough; had they asked me, I would have recommended something special like February 29 or even something impossible like February 30. In worst case, they could have used November 22 to show their loyalty. But, there is no cure to narrow mindedness.

Proof #2:
Let's start by chronological order. First, let's take a look at the so-called March 8 movement. Among them, we can find General Aoun, Hezbollah and Amal. If we go back few years ago, when General Aoun was in France, he didn't spare a chance to attack everyone especially Hezbollah; now they are political soul mates! Let's go back further in time, Amal's only loyalty is to Syria and General Aoun lead a very fierce war against the Syrian forces in Lebanon; now he is getting along with Syria's puppet?! Worse than this, ordered by Syria, Amal wanted to eradicate Hezbollah, and blood was shed for that matter; only so that now they are allies again!

If we check March 14 movement, things aren't any better. Among them, we can find Jomblat, Gaegae, Jmayyil and Harrirri. During war years, Jomblat and Gaegae lead an unholy war against each other where massacres were committed against innocent civilians! Jomblat was an ally of the Syrian regime and he only changed that recently when he remembered that it was Syria who killed his father! Saad Harriri is now in politics only to revenge for his father's assassination.

So, in my opinion, this is not politics, this is craziness and our future president has to cope with that!

The external challenge:
Now, let's see what kind of neighbors we have. On the eastern side, we have Syria; a regime that won't hesitate eradicating their own people! On the southern side things only get worse, we have Israel and you know what it did last summer! I would confidently say that Israel is the most detestable neighbor anyone can have.

Conclusion:
WARNING: The conclusion contains vulgar and obscene language so discretion is advised.
So on one hand the future president have to deal two crazy movements and a detestable southern neighbor. In other words, he has to handle two nuts and an a$$hole! To give you a hint about the perfect candidate, I will quote from the movie Fracture.

Ted Crawford: [refering to his private investigator] My Dick is good.

I bet you agree!

Mobile Number

2007-12-05T08:46:00.000+02:00

How (not) to give your mobile number!

X: Do you have a mobile phone?
I: Yes.
X: What is it?
I: It's a Samsung.
X: I meant the mobile number!
I: An MTC Touch!
X: I am asking about the number you silly.
I: Ah, the number! It is 8 digits with the code included.
X: Stop it!
I: Stop what?!
X: OK, I don't want your mobile number anymore.
I: Well, who told you I want to sell it in the first place?!
X: I feel I am really wasting my time now.
I: Same here! :)

Shall I buy a new laptop?

2007-12-04T18:16:00.000+02:00

I am thinking about buying a new laptop to replace my older laptop; however, when I come to think of it, I don't want MS Vista, I don't want higher specifications and worst, I don't want to pay a fortune for what I don't need. All I really need is an extended warranty -beyond 3 years- if such a thing exists here!

My laptop is almost three year old and therefore its warranty will expire soon. My current laptop is an IBM T42. If I am going to buy a new laptop, I think I am going to buy IBM Lenovo T61.

The first T61 I am considering is ThinkPad T61 8898-55G with a classical 14” screen.

T7100(1.8GHz), 1GB RAM, 120GB 5400rpm HD, 14.1in 1024x768 LCD, Intel X3100, CDRW/DVDRW, Intel 802.11abg wireless, Bluetooth, Modem, 1Gb Ethernet, UltraNav, Secure chip, Fingerprint reader, 4c Li-Ion, WinVista Business 32

The second T61 I am considering is ThinkPad T61 7664-18G with a wide 14” screen.

T7300(2GHz), 1GB RAM, 120GB 5400rpm HD, 14.1in 1440x900 LCD, 128MB nVIDIA Quadro NVS 140M, CDRW/DVDRW, Intel 802.11agn, Bluetooth, Modem, 1Gb Ethernet, UltraNav, Secure chip, Fingerprint reader, 4c Li-Ion, WinVista Business

Now, the question: is it a good idea to pay up to $2000 to buy a new laptop? Do I really need a new laptop?

I can confidently say that I use my laptop for:

Internet browsing with Firefox.
Web mail and occasionally I download them to my local mail client, Thunderbird.
Occasionally, I use VMware Workstation to test operating systems and other software.
At times, I do some photo editing.

If I come to think of it, I don't need a laptop with high specs; my current laptop is doing just fine on the performance level. (Almost any laptop will do fine as long as you don't install on it unnecessary software including toolbars, adware, spyware, malware, virii and worms.)

Moreover, buying a new laptop might mean that I have to upgrade(!!!) to MS Vista. But that's out of question; I don't want to be Bill Gates' Guinea pig. Although currently I am using MS Windows XP, I am planning to upgrade to GNU Linux (such as Ubuntu or Gentoo) the moment I can free myself from MS Active Directory and MS Exchange. For your information, MS Vista will give a poor performance on the latest Intel CPU (such as T7100) unless you upgrade to a minimum of 1.5 GB RAM.

I would settle for my current old laptop but I feel that it is going to die soon. During the past three years, I have (ab)used it extensively. I let it run 22 hours a day, burn 100's of discs, show 100's of movies, experimented heavily with virtualization and watched its CPU peaking continuously, etc. And yet, it tolerated me!

Then I think maybe I should just wait till it dies, then I will buy a new one!

عالريق

2007-11-30T23:50:00.001+02:00

هو: يا سيد أحمد بدي...
أنا (مقاطعا): سيد؟ ليش شايف على راسي عمامة سوداء؟
هو: طيب! المهم بدي مفك صليب.
أنا: صليب؟ فيك بلا مواضيع دينية من وج الضو.
هو: بلا غلاظتك. هلق بيجي المدير وبيسألني ليش مش جامع المكنة!
أنا: جامع؟ ما بدي ضلني عيد، عفينا من المواضيع الدينية. بعدني ما شربت قهوتي.
هو: ليك، سني عم يوجعني وما إلي جلد على زناختك!
أنا: سني؟ بدو يكون من قرطة المستقبل.
هو: ليش شو بو تيار المستقبل؟
أنا: ولا شي بس مش عم يتعلموا من الماضي.
هو: شو قصدك؟
أنا: قصدي شريف. بتعرفوا لعمر الشريف؟
هو: باي
أنا: لأ مش هوّي.

Lebanese Sense of Humor 2

2007-11-28T10:24:00.000+02:00

Following yesterday's 50% OFF, today my friend Nour sent me the following forward. :)

Job Vacancy in Baabda/Lebanon

Job position: Lebanese President
Contract Duration: 6 years (extended if required)
Responsibilities: Ruling a small crazy country
Benefits: Whatever you can get
Age: 5+ to 105+ years
Please send 2 copies of your CV to:
bashar@damascus.no and condy@everywhere.usa ;
For non discrimination, we accept Ladies...
Candidates will be contacted soon.

"Note: No Need to be Maronite, neither Lebanese"

Who needs a President?

2007-11-27T12:46:00.000+02:00

Call me a fool (not in my face), but I have this strange "free" feeling ever since the Presidential Post moved under the "Help Wanted" section. When Emile Lahoud left the Presidential Palace last Friday, I felt relieved that I lived to see him depart, and proud that regardless of all the traumas and scandals we Lebanese manage to bring on ourselves, and all the dependency and immaturity our political class never fails to display, that while we cannot as a people run our own affairs without hailing the whole world paratroopers and maniacs in, I was proud that we manage to get rid of those in authority eventually, peacefully, but not quietly. What is a 9-year term when it comes to a lifetime president, or to hereditary rule? I even felt a tiny shred of respect for the ex-President. He overstayed his welcome, but at least he walked out, and unlike other Arab rulers, was not hoarded out by an ambulance, a mob, or a funeral procession. I do not want to act as a judge, so I will not comment if Lahoud has blood on his hands, in his veins, or elsewhere. Eventually, long as it may be, Justice shall prevail to either indict the criminals or to acquit the innocent.

Maybe it is that I am the only person in the country thinking -- drum roll -- do we really need a president? It's time to spurt out the suppressed feelings on authority, and a religiously branded officials in specific. Let me go through some arguments on the media on why we need a Maronite President - hopefully I'll run the same comparison one day when the House Speaker retires and no replacement is found:

1- Symbol of the country: Yeah sure, we have been the butt of half the world political jokes lately, and this is only the beginning. Sudan (home of Darfur, Halayeb, and Southern Sudan crisis) sent a peace envoy. Get it?
2- Preserving the Post for Christians: Huh? Demographically speaking, the Christians should press on a secular state – the sooner the better, and drop the religious confessional thing forever, and that goes to the rest of the Lebanese if they knew what's good for them. The Christians do not need a post to keep them or to preserve them, and if they JUST cannot live without that representation, they should realistically seek the Prime Minister's Post or the Parliament Speaker post. In reverse, the Druze go unrepresented in the top three posts, but Weam Wahab is the shining star and spokesperson of the opposition, comprising Maronites, Shiias, and Druze. MP Jumblat is one of the most influential figures in the Majority Party.
3- Protect the Christians: Let's quickly run through who invited the Syrians to protect the "Christians?" – Answer: a president. Who appealed for them to stay – Answer: another "two presidents" – Who ran civil conflict in the so called "East Beirut" – Answer: A presidential candidate assigned by another President at the end of his term. The result: half the Christians immigrated. So much for protection, representation, and preserving the symbol of the Republic. The so called "Christian politics" have done more harm to the christian presence in the last 50 years than 2000 years of Christian presence in this land.

Again and again we fall for the political lies, for the sectarian "bo3bo3" (monster), again and again we stand for our Feudal Masters in power - they manipulate us.

Having said that, enough with the religious labeling rubbish, it's time we think of ourselves as citizens, not tribesmen, or else – there won't be anyone of us left to tell where we went wrong – Christian, Muslim, or Monkey worshippers for all I care.

- Posted by Fadi

Lebanese Sense of Humor

2007-11-27T10:54:00.000+02:00

As the country is now living without a president, the Lebanese people started to use that in their own twisted ways. :)

The photo below is from the front page of L'Orient-Le Jour of Nov. 27, 2007.

I really admire the Lebanese sense of humor that is evident even in the worst of situations.

A Country without a President!

2007-11-24T17:26:00.000+02:00

Lebanon is now without a president... wonder why?

Lebanese politics is becoming more complicated to understand and by now, even the Lebanese themselves are finding it so challenging to grasp.

Lebanon is now being torn apart between two groups:

First group wants to create a Lebanon that rhymes with the American neoconservatives’ vision for the New Middle East.
Second group intends to fight the neocons plans.

The funny thing is that people in the first group might not fully realize what they are doing; neither people in the second group.

Each has his own point of view that makes some sense. For example, a president that takes his orders from the Embassy of USA in Lebanon will definitely make Lebanon the 52nd state of USA (as Kuwait is already the 51st state.) This will for sure invite Microsoft, Google, Cisco and the rest of the IT giants to invest heavily in Lebanon. As a result, Lebanon will enjoy financial prosperity and soon he will become once more the “Casino of the Middle East.” Imagine this, the den of the giants and the brothel of the kings!

But, this comes at a price; we will become a puppet of the neocons like many other countries that preceded us, KSA, Egypt, Jordan,… to name a few.

The second group prefers to take Iran and Syria as their alleys in order not to submit to the will of the neoconservatives; they state that they are working for a free Lebanon. They want a Lebanon that doesn’t take orders from foreign embassies; at least not from the embassy of USA and the future embassy of the Zionist state (aka Israel).

Hence, we are stuck today with a country without a president. I am still trying to get in touch with my feelings to tell you honestly how it feels to live in a “presidentless” country. :P

"Redder" than this?

2007-11-24T17:17:00.000+02:00

This is one of the latest campaigns of YASA. The aim is to remind the drivers to stop at the red light. The Arabic text reads:
أحمر من هيك؟
This translates to "redder than this?" but it also includes a play on words which can also mean "being a donkey more than this?" as a way to insult people who would disregard the red light.

Hopefully, this can help the Lebanese people respect traffic lights.

Facts about Israel

2007-11-20T10:14:00.000+02:00

From UrShalim

Facts about Israel

Israel, a country the size of new jersey can only claim to the following achievements:
Israel was established upon the ruins of another nation that she destroyed: Palestine.
Israel holds the world record in the number of towns and villages she ethnically cleansed: 500+
Israel holds the world record in the number of refugees she deported: 4 million +
Israel holds the world record in the number of homes she demolished: 60 thousand +
Israel is the country with the highest record of UN condemnation: 500 times +
Israel is the country with the highest number of protective US Security council vetoes: 100 times +
Israel has killed more innocent civilians per capita than any other country 50 000 +
Israel has imprisoned more civilians per capita than any other country: 250 000 +
Israel has rendered more innocent civilians handicapped per capita than any other country: 50 000 +
Israel has injured more innocent civilians per capita than any other country: 200 000 +

Watch the video and continue reading The Israel we have to put up with

Becoming a Politician in Lebanon - HOWTO #2

2007-11-18T07:03:00.000+02:00

Following Becoming a Politician in Lebanon – HOWTO #1.

If you are not a fortunate son of a… leader, you need to find an alternative way to make your way in the swamp of politics. A very efficient way is to buy it!!!

I was told that money buys everything, but I refused to agree. I was remembering that old email forward about how money can buy you medicine but not health, bed not sleep, a castle but not a home, etc. Well, I think that email was true and wise, but not accurate!

First, you have to make money. It doesn’t matter what you do to make the money, you can smuggle diamonds, sell drugs, sell/rent humans as in white (preferably-)willing beautiful women (or boys) to rich Arab kings and princes, etc. Let’s not get into details, just find a way to get money and lots of it.

Secondly, you start making a new shining image of yourself: the image of the pious, educated, generous, (fill in with other good adjectives…) and successful businessman. These characteristics of this soon-to-be-politician businessman help the public believe in him.

As a pious man, he would invest building or renovating a mosque or a church. This way, the layman would believe that this businessman honors the house of God. Moreover, it helps clean or at least overlook his suspicious past. Regular “gifts” to clergy is very useful.

As an educated man, he values education and hence he would offer scholarships to the needy and not-so-needy students. You know there is this Arabic proverb “من علمني حرفا كنت له عبدا” which translates to “Whoever teaches me a letter, I shall be his servant/slave.” If someone bought you education, would you dare be ungrateful and criticize him?

Being generous, he would send food and/or money aids (not AIDS) to the needy people. Again, there is this Lebanese proverb, “طعمي التم، بتستحي العين” which translates to “Feed the mouth and the eye shall be bashful.” If someone is sending you food, would you dare be ungrateful and not vote for him?

He won’t forget sending “tokens of love” to other politicians in power too.

This way, he succeeded in buying the politicians, the clergy and the public. It is time to enter the Lebanese politics through its wide doors.

My Typical Work Day - 2

2007-11-17T20:27:00.001+02:00

Following My Typical Work Day - 1.

As I reach my work area and start searching for a place to park my car… I start to think about man’s greed. There are three lands and each can fit tens of cars; however, their owners decided to keep them closed although they are not using them in any way.

Anyway, I tend to use the extra guarded streets for my own benefit and I park my car within the eyesight of one of guards. (This way the security guard can have the pleasure of staring at my old screaming-to-be-washed car throughout the day.)

As I leave my car and head to my office, I see some workers washing really expensive cars. I start to wonder whether these workers are satisfied with their jobs washing the cars of their employers (so that I don’t say masters). I also wonder whether the owners of their cars have found any happiness buying expensive metals.

I head to my office. I see the hand punch machine looking at me; I ignore it as I know quite well that nobody bothers to check the logs. I head to my office second floor underground (yes, it was built to survive a nuclear attack). As I reach the office I lose any connection with the outside world. Living in an underground office means that I have no means of knowing the weather condition for instance; actually things go beyond that that even when a nearby assassination takes place, I usually fail to hear anything either. Be it not for the land lines and Internet at my office, I am really disconnected.

We get the first call – it’s a manager who deleted a whole folder from the server storage by mistake and is now blaming us for that. I start to wonder why the computer only asks you once to confirm deleting a file. If I am going to redesign an operating system, I will make it ask you three times as minimum. The first time it will be, “Are you sure you want to delete xyz? Yes / No.” If you click “Yes,” it will ask you again with “Do you swear by your mother’s soul that you want to delete xyz? Yes / No.” If you click “Yes,” it will ask you to cross your heart for confirmation as the computer watches you through the webcam. That would be a more efficient way to deal with idiots who thinks that computers are joking when they ask you if you are sure about deleting a certain file.

To be continued.

Fair Elections in Lebanon Petition

2007-11-15T15:56:00.000+02:00

To all my fellow Lebanese citizens, if you agree on the below, please sign at Fair Elections in Lebanon Petition.

To: His Excellency Ban Ki Moon, UN Secretary General, New York,

CC: Heads of the world’s democratic states, the European Parliament, UN Commission on Human Rights, Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch.

The past couple of years Lebanon has been ravaged by a series of blows to the country’s democratic system leading it into a political stalemate, endangering Lebanese independence, constitution, democracy and national security. In light of the problematic situation our dear country faces today, where political sovereignty is absent from almost every aspect of our decision-making process, we take this opportunity to address you by means of this letter.

First, we would like to stress the impact of recent events of the past two years following the withdrawal of the Syrian troops in May 2005 from our mainland. To start, the 2005 parliamentary elections were held under an electoral law commonly referred to as the Ghazi Kanaan Law (named after the longtime head of Syria's security apparatus in Lebanon) and viewed as unfair by the overwhelming majority of Lebanese, and also by the EU commission supervising the elections at that time when their report specifically stated that "The current electoral system does not respect the principle of equality of votes. Also, the delimitation of electoral constituencies does not respect this principle."
Moreover, they involved major acts of vote-buying and extreme sectarian incitement yielding a parliamentary majority that would later dissolve the Constitutional Council, a judiciary council responsible for the procession of appeals, by passing a law to dissolve that particular council, thus paralyzing the only judiciary institution that can contest the legitimacy of the current majority.
Moreover, the parliamentary majority was unfairly elected thanks to what is known as the Quadripartite Alliance between the ruling majority and Hezbollah which subsequently collapsed.

Secondly, the above-mentioned events coupled with the lack of governmental action in attempting to resolve the resulting problems, have led us to the recent standoff between government and opposition.

We would like to convey to you, your Excellency, that the democratic processes in Lebanon has been carried out unfairly as proven by the government’s disregard for the wishes of its people. Furthermore, the upcoming presidential elections are in danger of being conducted under in an undemocratic and unfair environment that we fear will only further undermine more than one Lebanese community’s right to participate in political decision making. On the threshold of the twenty-first century, this we feel is something that the international community, the keeper of the international bill of human rights, should not accept idly.

A- Lebanese constitution and the presidential elections quorum:

In accordance with Article 49 of the Lebanese Constitution, the President of the Republic is to be elected by secret ballot and by a two-thirds majority of the Parliament. The two-thirds majority presence and voting is also referenced in Article 79 of the Constitution with regard to matters requiring a two-thirds vote.

Ever since Lebanon’s independence in 1943, all presidential elections even during the civil war were held in the presence of at least two-thirds of the parliament, and a precedence has been set when the parliament refused to vote Bashir Gemayil in 1982 without the presence of the required 2/3 quorum. Above all, Paragraph D of the Preamble clearly states that the people are the source of authority and sovereignty and as such they shall exercise these powers throughout constitutional institutions.

The current parliamentarian majority outlined above is endorsed by many of its leading figures as evidenced in their public statements as a means to elect the new Lebanese President.

B- Separation of religion and state to be respected:

As part of a multi-confessional society, Lebanese institutions have adopted the secularity of government allowing the freedom of religious exercise. The combination of these two principles ensures a clear separation of religion and state, and is a common legal doctrine in almost every country in the world that has adopted a democratic system of governance whereby citizens convey their wishes to the parliament and the decision-making institutions by electing their own officials.

In Lebanon, after the first parliamentary election in 2005, and irrespective of the flaws stated earlier regarding that process, the people elected their representatives.
Unfortunately, those representatives are now being sidelined and their role is being blocked by the constant interference of religious figures in political issues and delicate matters. At times this interference is clearly intentional and direct and at times indirect by their assuming certain public points of view when asked by third parties, to decide on behalf of the people's representatives of the same religious group.

Those third parties are either international envoys and public figures, or local politicians who prefer to deal with religious figures and consider them as representatives of their religious groups regarding both political and public issues.

C- Power vaccum scenario and the legitimate institutions

In the fateful event that the parliament is unable to elect a President and the Presidency becomes vacant, Article 62 notes that the government then exercises the powers of the President by delegation.

Unfortunately after the resignation of all the Shia ministers and the failure to replace them, our current government is considered constitutionally illegitimate as it violates Article 95 of the Lebanese Constitution and Paragraph J of its Preamble, which both confirm that confessional groups are to be represented in a just and equitable fashion in the Cabinet and that there is no constitutional legitimacy for any authority which contradicts the 'pact of communal coexistence'.

Given the current political crisis, the timeline of events mentioned above, the multiple threats to our democratic process and the unfairness we face in light of all the above infringements, we, the undersigned, refuse the following:

• Any Presidential elections by a simple majority rather than the constitutional two-thirds quorum.
• Any foreign interference, whether regional or international.
• The interference of clergy in the upcoming elections, including nominations.
• The marginalization of an entire confessional group by sidelining its political representatives.
• An illegitimate government seizing control of the country in the case of presidential vacuum.

With regard to the above, we, the undersigned, demand that the:

• Lebanese Constitution be respected by all parties.
• Foreign interference in the presidential elections cease.
• Interference of the clergy be brought to a halt.
• Elected representatives of each confession be respected.
• Lebanese Army assumes control of the state in case of a vacuum and prepares for early parliamentary elections under a fair electoral law respecting the people's wishes for good representation and a fresh start for a new fair democratic process with respect to the constitution.

Should a President be elected by a simple majority and against the wishes of the majority of the population, we believe Lebanon’s problems are bound to worsen and cause instability in both the country and adjoining region.
Furthermore, we consider that the UN General Assembly, or any UN member state, supporting the legitimacy of the current government and any possible acknowledgment of a president that is voted with a quorum of 1/2 thus violating the constitution is a violation of the UN Charter (Chapter I Article 2, Item 7).
In light of this threat, we expect Your Excellency to take the appropriate steps to ensure that democratic and fair presidential elections are conducted in accordance with the guidelines outlined above.

Finally, we the undersigned, thank you, your Excellency, for the time and effort you have invested in reading our petition and rely on your keen judgment regarding the matters at hand and hope our message will only bring the Lebanese people closer together by strengthening and respecting the values stated in our common social contract and putting Lebanese democracy on the path towards a brighter future.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned.

The Maid's New Pay Raise

2007-11-15T10:00:00.000+02:00

The Maid asked for a raise.

The Madam was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want an increase?'

Maria: 'Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'

Madam: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'The Master said so.'

Madam: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Madam: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?'

Maria: 'The Master did.'

Madam: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'

Madam (very upset now): 'Did the Master say so as well?'

Maria: 'No Madam, the gardener did.'

SHE GOT THE PAY RAISE..!

Look but Don't Touch - Prelude

2007-11-14T17:09:00.000+02:00

(The image above was "borrowed" from GODIVA; these guys really know how to sell online!)

So the rule is pretty simple, "Look, but don't touch."

To phrase it in a better way, I will quote John Milton (Al Pacino) in the movie "Devil's Advocate"

"Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow..."

Will be continued...

Old Forwards

2007-11-14T09:25:00.000+02:00

Someone keeps bugging you with *really old* forwarded emails and you don't know what to reply? One of these replies should cure the situation.

“Thanks; this reminds me when I hooked my first PC to the Internet.”

“Thanks; this is as old as the WWW.”

“I feel insulted that you think that I have not seen this one.”

“Dude; you should check your resources because they are really outdated.”

“Come on; don’t you have anything older to fill my inbox with?”

“Are you sure you check your email everyday… or is it every year?”

Driving in Khalde

2007-11-09T07:08:00.000+02:00

I reached the highway in “Khalde”…

For those who are unfamiliar with Khalde, you can imagine it like a random set of buildings and shops squeezed on the sides of the highway. It is also a living proof that in Lebanon almost all buildings are established in a chaotic way. (That’s why my civil engineer friends had to find work elsewhere.)

With all kinds of food shops on the sides of the road, you cannot foretell when the driver right in front of you would slow down abruptly and head to the far right to buy a meal from one of those junk food / snack shops.

The highway is three lanes each direction; the right lane is usually very unsafe with cars stopping or taking off or even driving backwards because they missed the shop by 300 meters! The middle lane is annoying to take. People on the middle lane are susceptible to hunger attacks; they might get hungry any minute and take a sudden turn to the right side. Another explanation would be that people who are using the middle lane are too afraid to take the left lane while chatting on mobile phones or doing their makeup! The possibilities are endless; but the average speed on the middle lane is 60-70 Km/hour during peak hours.

For all these reasons, I stick to the leftmost lane while I am in Khalde highway for my personal safety reasons. On the leftmost lane, it would be most wise to drive at a speed of 90 Km/hour depending on the traffic.

Occasionally, despite the limited left-lane speed, someone would get behind my car and starts flashing his lights in a hysteric way to tell me to “Give way, NOW.”

[might be continued]

My Typical Work Day - 1

2007-11-07T19:30:00.000+02:00

I feel like documenting the routine that I live on weekdays, so let's begin!

I wake up every morning at 6:10 AM that is 10 minutes before the alarm clock rings. First thing I do is washing my face.

Then I prepare my Nescafe in my favorite way:

1 spoon of Nescafe or similar instant coffee.
3 spoons of fat-free coffee mate or fat-free milk (preferably Tetra to support the Czech industries).
1 spoon of brown sugar (I know that it doesn’t have any extra nutrition value, but I like its color.)

While sipping my coffee, I check my personal email. Most of the emails I get are usually related to mailing groups and supposedly-professional organizations that I am part of. Most of these emails go half-opened into the archive folder!

I try to eat something light, such as bread and thyme with olive oil so that my stomach can get ready for the next coffee cup! Lately, I also eat a couple of dates in order to support the Saudi Kingdom; I heard that their king is short of money and wants to build another castle in Paris.

I prepare my French press (aka cafetière) coffee (special thanks to my dear friend who brought me three different coffee types from France.) By the time I finish putting on my cloths, the French press would have brewed well.

Half asleep, I take my cup of the French press and head to my car. I have to drive everyday 45 Km to reach work which is relatively a small distance; but usually it takes me 40 minutes due to the traffic and security measures…

First, as I leave the tunnel (after “Khalde”) I get close to the Embassy of Kuwait. With Kuwait being the 51st state of USA, very tight security is necessary; such security eats one third of the road, I prefer to avoid the bottleneck altogether and use an alternative path.

The alternative path means passing by the Embassy of Iran; which does not have tight security but it has a very bad road full of bumps instead. So the deal here is that you either get stuck in traffic, or avoid traffic and wreck your car!

Anyway, I like to take the “Jnah” road because I find it a nicer a drive the beautiful sea view. It is only few minutes till I have to suffer the tight security again; it is the Embassy of UAE and this time the security measures consumes half the road!

As I reach the end of the wall of the Embassy of UAE, I see several armed military men with funny machine guns who wear brown berets. It occurs to me to socialize with one of them with some conversation like, “Oh, that’s one nice beret that looks like cow’s sullshit; where did you buy it from? For how much?” or something like “Oh, that’s a cute machine gun; how many person can it kill per second? Do you know how to use it?” Then I decide to leave this clever thought for another day.

I keep driving to my work till I had to pass through the final bottleneck… I see something like a military compound that is using two thirds of the street! This part is a little tricky as I will have to drive in a zigzag fashion. I also see guards in mauve, I mean in navy blue color. All of them are protecting the residence of the ambassador of Saudi Arabia. I know that the guy is cute; but who would want to do him?!

I reach my work now and I see policemen private security guards for one of the American fast food chain restaurants. I am not sure if it is the policemen or the private security guards are responsible for protection of this restaurant; all I know is that all these armed people hang out together all day smoking and analyzing the Lebanese situation (I will advise them to start a blog for that matter.)

To be continued…

Book-Cover Tag

2007-11-07T18:37:00.000+02:00

Niki-chan tagged me with this book-cover tag. Thank you Niki-chan. :)

Rule (there is only one): Go to the advanced book search on Amazon, type your first name into the Title field, and post the most interesting/amusing cover that shows up.

I found this one, "The Opium Debate" by "Diana Ahmad." I liked the orange cover, the font of the title and the topic looks interesting.

From Amazon.com:

America's current "war on drugs" is not the nation's first. In the mid-nineteenth century, opium-smoking was decried as a major social and public health problem, especially in the West. Although China faced its own epidemic of opium addiction, only a very small minority of Chinese immigrants in America were actually involved in the opium business. It was in Anglo communities that the use of opium soon spread and this growing use was deemed a threat to the nation's entrepreneurial spirit and to its growing importance as a world economic and military power.

The Opium Debate examines how the spread of opium-smoking fueled racism and created demands for the removal of the Chinese from American life. This study of the nineteenth-century drug-abuse crisis reveals the ways moral crusaders linked their antiopium rhetoric to already active demands for Chinese exclusion. Until this time, anti-Chinese propaganda had been dominated by protests against the economic and political impact of Chinese workers and the alleged role of Chinese women as prostitutes. The use of the drug by Anglos added another reason for demonizing Chinese immigrants.

Nicole Saba – Tab’i Keda

2007-10-30T12:40:00.000+02:00

"Violence against women in Egypt continues to be a major issue with 35 percent of women in Egypt reported as being beaten by their husbands."
(Source: Arab American News article through Ha Ana Za post).

Personally I think that the unreported cases present a higher percentage and the situation in the other parts of the Arab world are not any better and Bashir's post just proves my thinking.

"Women's groups say they receive daily reports of domestic violence from women from all sectors of society, across religious and economic divides.
It is estimated that there is approximately one honor killing a week in Lebanon..." (Source: Daily Star article through UrShalim).

Back to the art news...
Nicole Saba (نيكول سابا) has released a new song called “Tab3i Kida” which means “This is the way I am”. I will quote a part of the song:

أنا طبعي كده وبحب كده
وبحب أعيش ومعنديش الا كده
دي حياتي أنا دي ملكي أنا
وأنا مهما يكون بردو حكون زي ما أنا

عايزة أفرح وأرقص وأضحك يا ناس
هيه دنيا وبنعشها مرة وخلاص
ياما قالوا وعادوا ولاموا كتير
بس بنسى وبكبّر دماغي وخلاص

This roughly translates to:

This is the way I am and that’s what I love,
And I like to live this way and I don’t have anything else (to worry about)!
This is my life, my own life,
And no matter what happened, I will be myself.
…
I want to be happy and dance and laugh,
We only live life once before it is over,
People have always gossiped and hated and blamed,
But I tend to forget with a big heart.

Well, if you listen to the song alone (without the video clip), it is more like a woman screaming for the freedom she deserves; freedom to live the life she has always desired. She wants to be happy and cheerful without worrying about the gossip of others.

The message is beautiful because everyone has the right to live the life he/she desires. This is the fair thing to do; moreover, it is important as we pursue our dreams not to let other people discourage us and lead us away from our desired path.

Well, that’s how I would understand the song if I hear it without the video clip! However, watching the video clip, I discovered that I got it all wrong. I mean, either I am wrong, or the producer who assumingly worked closely with the singer is wrong!

The video clip is about an erotic dancer that likes to crawl all the time especially behind behinds.

Or maybe I should describe her as a pole dancer. (I always thought that pole dancing is about more than just hugging a metal pole till I watched this clip!)

So, it turned out that this woman is fulfilling her dreams by living her life as a strip-tease/erotic/pole dancer. I am trying to imagine the effect of such video clip being repeated during day hours to children. I won’t find it hard to believe if a teacher told me about such a conversation taking place in a class.

Teacher: “What do you want to become when you grow up?”
Little girl: “I want to become a strip-tease dancer like that pretty woman I saw on TV.”

Well, just when I understood that the song and video clip are about a woman pursuing her dream in the “entertainment” industry, I discovered that I was partially wrong. She loves something else; she likes to be beaten up. How did I conclude that? The very first image that accompanies the words, “that’s what I love” (بحب كده) shows a beaten up woman.

What message are they trying to convey? I don’t know; maybe they are trying to tell us that women, at least in the Arab world, like to be beaten up and bruised to get natural makeup!

Please, don’t misunderstand me that I am demeaning the efforts of the dedicated erotic dancer; after all, they are selling a service that someone else wants. I am actually annoyed by linking sexual imagery with violence; and who is exerting the violence against the innocent dancers? The police who supposedly protects civil liberties!

The images of torture are even more explicit although we are still talking about a music video clip!

The video clip doesn't leave a place for your imagination and goes further to remind you that if someone is beaten up enough, he/she will spit some red fluid (commonly known as blood).

No wonder why we have such high rates of violence against women especially in the Arab world.

Anyway, I will go back to my work as it is more relieving than the entertainment industry. Meanwhile, if you feel like watching the video clip on YouTube, click here.

Facebook

2007-10-27T15:59:00.000+03:00

Facebook is a social networking website (that is spreading like fire to help you and those you know waste your precious time even further.)

Facebook has proved to be a very useful tool in finding old friends that you have not only lost contact with, but also lost interest in!

The beauty of Facebook is that you can add friends to your list who don’t have the least interest in staying in touch with you either! So, it is now your chance to take revenge and impose yourself. Remember to re-request their friendship every time they delete you. :)

But the beautiful thing is that you can start spamming them with invitations for everything from request to join a Cause, such as a ‘Play $1 to plant a cactus in Antarctica’, to invitation to join a Group, ‘When this group reaches a zillion, then Laptopless Female Dog will join’. So, yes, that’s a very fun sadistic way to spam your friends. I personally have invited my friends tens of times to join “Fight Club” application because the programmers of that application claimed that this would increase my chance of winning in fights!

Then the zombie plague; I swear I don’t want to become a zombie or a vampire or a werewolf! After living the long years of the Israeli war on Lebanon + the not-to-be-mentioned Lebanese civil war, I am not sure how much I preserved of my “human side” if any. So, thank you, but no, the last thing I need is to label myself!

Then comes the “mood application”; X is feeling happy/ sad/ nostalgic/ hungry/ excited… etc. So everyone knows about X’s “mood swings” every time they browse to Facebook. I personally was doing that till I finally decided to stop leaking confidential information about my mood!

Movies and books, my favorite part… Can you imagine the mass of information you are providing about yourself to potential abusers by jotting down your favorite movies and/or books? If someone favorites “American Psycho” then most likely he is living an inner struggle between a violent id and a timid ego (or something like that); such a piece of information can allow a bad guy to use in order to manipulate you. The possibilities are limitless.

Do you still want to expose your life details to everyone through your Facebook profile? Or the more accurate question would be, what kind of information have you decided to reveal to the www? I am not sure anymore; but we'd better have a rigid list for our own peace of mind.

Together we protect - معا نحمي

2007-10-26T00:59:00.000+03:00

A new advertisement is starting to fill the streets today. It shows two combination caps; the left one is for the army officers and the other is for the internal security officers. Beneath that, it says “Together we protect” or “معا نحمي” and signed by “internal security forces.”

That’s a glamorous fragment; it is a fragment because there is no way it can be truthful if we assume that this is a complete sentence. To be accurate it should be changed to “together we protect this and/or that” otherwise there is no way for our so-called armed forces to protect in this claimed absolute sense.

So, I think they want us to fill in the blanks from our media brainwashed minds so I started to think of possible ways to continue this “fragment” to make it a complete useful sentence. I thought of:

Together we protect the Lebanese citizens? No way, israel practices the sport of hunting civilians during war and occasionally at non-war times. And what do the armed forces do? Ah, yes, “tea ceremony” but not the Japanese way, it is the Fatfat way.

Together we protect the Lebanon lands? But no, the lands occupied by israel were never freed by the Lebanese army but rather by the national resistance. And the so-called Shibaa farms, still occupied by israel, are screaming to be freed; but no one to listen.

Together we protect free speech? These are the same guys used force excessively to face civililan protests. And yes, excessive use of force includes, but not limited to, using live ammunition against Lebanese civilians.

Together we protect the press? No, not really, from Samir Kassir to Gebran Tueni... someone found a way to silence them.

Together we protect the members of the parliament? That’s ridiculous; every now and then another “voting candidate” loses his voice!

I thought I ran out of thoughts but I suddenly remembered the infamous Lebanese hospitality (other than the aforementioned Fatfat tea). Together we protect foreign embassies. Yes, that’s it. That’s what our army excels at! Every single embassy street has been turned into a military camp, literally!

And gladly I also found the sole cause for the existence of the internal security forces. Hint: Remember how most Lebanese tend to disregard the traffic lights! Now the puzzle is finished; together we protect and reinforce traffic lights!

But let the keep repeating their propaganda; after all, if you repeat something long enough, it becomes a fact!

Becoming a Politician in Lebanon - HOWTO #1

2007-10-24T10:54:00.000+03:00

Well, Lebanon is the land of opportunities, for those who can spot them, and most especially the land of “political opportunities.” I will dissect some political prototypes (because I have nothing better to do).

In this prototype, there is a single prerequisite; you need to be the son of a political leader. This political leader should have a very strong public base who would follow him blindly. Please note that they follow the person and not his ideology (which is a weird word to the leader himself!)

If this great leader, who happens to be your dad, disappears, God forbids, his herd will search for another shepherd to replace him. According to the “human mentality” the best successor is someone who shares the most genes with him.

Hence, being an ambitious Lebanese with politics running in your blood, you wait for your father, the leader, to be assassinated so that you can use his glory to climb the glorious ladder of political power. Of course, for ethical reasons, you should not have anything to do with the assassination of this “great man;” however, it is viable and even wise to be the ally of the same assassins who killed your “biological” father. Of course, this all depends on what the “greater good” or “greater evil” dictates; it is all relative to your point of view.

Since the herd follows the shepherd and not an ideology, it won’t really matter what you know or what you believe. Practically, you might have obtained all your education from Playboy magazines and still be the perfect heir (as an English word). Whatever you say will be the “ultimate truth” to your dedicated followers; after all, you’re the son of a great man! There is no way that you would utter nonsense and as far as they are concerned, you were chosen by a god.

It is important to note that it is very useful for your public image if you reverse your political agenda every few years or even months so that the brains of the followers does not get rusty or bored. Although it not necessary, it would be useful if you resemble a movie star such as Sméagol.

Japanese Film Festival in Lebanon

2007-10-24T09:37:00.000+03:00

This week, starting today, I will enjoy Japanese Films on a big screen. :)

The Embassy of Japan in Lebanon in collaboration with the YWCA Beirut will present the Japanese Film Festival from Wednesday, October 24, to Saturday, October 27, 2007, at Cultural Center of YWCA Beirut, Rustum Pasha Street, Ain-Muraisseh.

Six films will be screened to introduce many Japanese cultural aspects and how Japanese daily life has been from the past up to the present. All the films have had a great success both in Japan and abroad and some of them have been awarded or nominated at many international film festivals.

The YWCA Beirut Cultural Center was refurbished by Japanese Cultural Grassroots Grant Program in 2006 and inaugurated this February. The Cultural Center was equipped with high quality sound systems and huge screen.

- All the Film have Japanese original sound with ARABIC SUBTITLES

For further information and list of the films, please visit the announcement at the Embassy of Japan in Lebanon website.

Hummer for the City

2007-10-22T09:57:00.000+03:00

Although it might first appear that big 4 wheel drives were designed for mountains and challenging roads, people are increasingly buying them for the “city.” I will put myself in those “big people’s” shoes to better understand the reasoning behind it.

There is a Lebanese proverb that says,
استكبرها ولو كانت عجرة
which translates to, “Go for the bigger one even if it is unripe!” So try to apply this when buying your personal transportation means!

Bigger translates to the “average person” as more important, more powerful, more successful… I am sure that such an image can help make up for all the failures and rejections that you went through in your life.

It helps boost your ego as you drive one of the most expensive cars. You don’t need to wait for those “enlarge your…” spam emails as now, you can f*** with confidence! Plus, people will envy you for your (apparent) finical security and they will all start to wonder how to be like you.

Parking is more fun and challenging, with a car double the size of the average one, you need to be a better driver to park your beauty without scratching it. You see, this will help push your parking skills to the limit; aka self improvement.

Something as expensive and shiny can be a real “magnet” to the opposite sex and even to the same sex (this depends on your sexual preference whether you are a hetero, homo, bi, etc.).

With a wheel as high as a standard car, you can literally step over people’s cars. When you “step over” someone’s car, you can’t apologize, even if you want to, because most likely they are too “low” to hear you!

With such vehicles, the gas consumption is so high that the demand for “oil” will stay high. High demand on oil means:

You will be supporting the countries rich in oil, such as KSA, UAE, Qatar, Kuwait, etc. and help keep their “democratic kings” in authority!

This in turn would push for further democratization of the Middle East. Third world countries can always use a little more democracy, no? Look at Iraq, it is now democratic, safe, secure, and living the American dream. Who could ask for more?

In order to better spread democracy to countries like Afghanistan and Iraq, the arms industry will become more prosperous. You know, it is the 21st century, the only way to spread democracy and civilization is through killing machines.

And even after the whole world is democratized, we still need to keep funds flowing to the arms factories to help develop new kinds of weapons in order to protect us against any potential extraterrestrial invasion.

… Now I am convinced to keep my old car!

Broken Laptop

2007-10-21T11:41:00.000+03:00

My IBM T42 laptop broke its hinge. :(

I was expecting the hard disk to fail or the main board or maybe one of the fans... but I never expected a metal hinge to break during normal usage!

I am now on a temporary laptop till I get my laptop's hinge "operated". :p

The comment section is open if anyone wants to express his condolences. :p

The Story of a Martyr

2007-10-19T08:54:00.000+03:00

Back during my university days, the Lebanese Army started recruiting officers. They will test the applicants on several bases: educational level, psychological stability, physical fitness, etc. And of course, there is a hidden basis which is the “whom do you know?” or as we call it in Lebanese, “wasta” (which literally translate as “way”).

Although we were at the second year engineering, and we still need three more years to go, one quarter of my “colleagues” at the university applied to join the Military School. They thought about it this way:
We need three years in the “Military School” to graduate as lieutenants.
Once we re lieutenants, we will have a fixed salary with a solid social security and even complete coverage of the educational fees for our future children.
And we will also get free gas!
Once we are lieutenants, we will enjoy a high level of prestige as most of the army and all the civilians will see us as “lucky” men with authority.

The could go on and on for hours convincing the rest of us how applying to become a lieutenant is better than graduating from university and then searching for a job and all this sh!t.

One of them, which I will refer to as Mr. A, applied and was accepted. By the time I graduated, he had become a Lieutenant (you know he wears a suit with a star on each shoulder with an extra large emblem on his beret, and all the lower ranks will address him as “sir” just like we see in the movies, bla bla bla and lots of shiny stuff!).

Mr. A started “serving” his country, while I was serving my company. Serving our country usually doesn’t require you to leave your office, and when you do, you are in a 4x4 military vehicle with at least one guard.

Serving a private company entailed… err, may I postpone that till I resign? Please? After all, I’d rather resign than get fired. :P

Then, the army’s worst nightmare occurred; war! No, it is not the Israeli July war you silly!! It is the war against a mysteriously funded and secretively trained militia in Northern Lebanon who called themselves “Fath El-Islam.” This militia was so misguided and so extremist that even the extremists of Al-Qaida refused to support them!! So the more accurate name for them should be “Shaker Al-Abssi’s Gang” especially that they enjoyed robbing banks!

Again, mysteriously, there were orders to eradicate this gang completely. The Lebanese Army got military support from USA (I wonder why this didn’t happen during Israeli War on Lebanon… anyway). After months and weeks, the gang was supposedly eradicated except for their leader (Shaker Al-Abssi) who vanished in thin air. And by the way, till now, despite all the interrogations that took place, we still don’t know for sure who funded and trained them. There are speculations, but nothing certain.

Anyway, [no] thanks to facebook, I learned from another colleague that Mr. A died in the battle against that extremist gang. So, this makes him a martyr, no?

Ramadan in Lebanon

2007-10-12T13:28:00.000+03:00

As Ramadan is in the process of being over (I will explain that in the next post), let’s see what we learn about Ramadan in Lebanon:

Among other things, Ramadan includes fasting from dawn (around 5:00 AM at this part of the world) till sunset (around 6:30 PM). Along with the assumed spiritual experience, I think this would help us remember the poor people who cannot afford a decent meal; unfortunately, in the age of consumerism and entertainment, Ramadan is given a brand new meaning.

How would a day in Ramadan pass for the common person here?

If possible, people will try to sleep till noon during Ramadan to help avoid the hunger while being awake. So, I shall directly jump to the afternoon period.

Throughout the afternoon, all TV stations abuse the expected hunger of the viewers to dedicate a couple of hours daily for cooking programs and to teach people to cook new fatty dishes. The other trick is to spend all the last few hours before sunset shopping for food, sweets and drinks. It is a vital practice to over-eat on this main meal till the person not only fills his stomach, but also his lungs and other parts of his body! It seems to be a common (mis)conception that fasting is unacceptable if the person eats lightly.

After the person fills his stomach with all kinds of delicious foods and drinks and cannot eat anymore, he can take a break, have a cigarette and resume the task of “over-eating”. Within an hour or two, the greediest of men will definitely be full!

With a full stomach, the person has nothing to do other than… oh yes, it is TV time. On the local channels you can find all kinds of TV series that were created specifically for the “Holy Month of Ramadan” and hence most of them are made of 30 “episodes”! I mean there is really a wide variety and I do really mean a wide variety. Well if you still don’t get it, one of shows is starred by a cross dresser, who is considered by at least one Lebanese “international” TV station to be a genuine Lebanese talent; a gem!

Now it is 10 PM and the best investment of time now would be “Sohour”. For those unfamiliar with the concept of “Sohour” this is theoretically a light meal the person can have before dawn to help him throughout the whole day. I think such a meal was made of few dates and a glass of water in the old days, but now it is a complete new fashion. First, it starts as early as 10 PM (or even earlier), the “devoted fasters” and “un-fasters” as well can go to one of the old-fashioned cafes that offer all kinds of foods, especially, foul, hommos, cheese, labne, etc. with a diversity of drinks starting from tea and coffee to jallab and tamar hindi… Of course, the hubble bubble is a proven tradition. Some people stay till the last minute before dawn enjoying the foods and the hubble bubble. Others who have work the next day will sadly leave earlier.

The next day, the person would wake up the next day really sleepy and tired from the previous “feast” and he realizes that God gave him the chance to live this one more time!

Oral Stage?

2007-10-10T20:55:00.000+03:00

Question: If a female friend keeps searching so desperately for a macho to dominate her and she might not realize it consciously, should I “enlighten” her or not?

There was this girl who found me on Hi5 in the old days when I had a Hi5 account three years ago. So she added me to her MSN and she started chatting with me; her third question was like, “What kind of car do you drive?” Well, a person can be superficial and shallow, but not to the extent to ask me about the kind of car I drive! Although we didn’t get along, we kept each other on MSN.

She disappeared on MSN for several months. Then she appeared again. We had a short conversation and I learned that she lived a love story for the past months. It was her neighbor the pharmacist; they fell in love with each other when she was buying some medicine for her grandfather. (Since then, she kept praying that her grandfather would get ill more frequently.)

She told me that her “boy friend” does not allow her to use MSN to chat with her friends because he gets jealous. Etc. But their relationship was about to end as they reached the stage where he should propose and he didn’t want to. Anyway, their relationship ended.

Again, she started searching for a new boy friend; someone who would again dominate her and prevent her from using MSN. It didn’t take long before she found some retarded macho who would appreciate her submissiveness. He, of course, prevented her from using MSN (as she had always desired her “man of dreams” to do).

This time, she disappeared from MSN for about a year to an extent that I forgot her name. Then, as their relationship deteriorated, she started to appear online again. This time, she was feeling so desperate. Her second boy friend, out of a sudden, told her that he “lost interest”. She continuously shared her agony with me on MSN although till the moment I don’t understand what gave her the impression that I am a shrink! And if I am truly her friend, then I deserve that she shares with me her happy moments, not only her sad ones!!

So, as you can conclude, my friendship with her is keeps passing in three stages:
Stage 1: Hi, how are you? Bye. Seriously, things cannot be shallower.
Stage 2: She blocks all means of contact, when she is happy in her love relationship.
Stage 3: She suffers breaking up and she wants someone to listen to her lamenting and she finds me online!

Anyway, as a “good friend” I did my best to support her in order to deal more efficiently with his sudden solid rejection. Then, she did everything she can possibly think of to attract him, but he was too fed up.

Then, she was free again and I was happy for her. She got a new job, and I was happy for her. She was having fun eating chocolate and working out and I was happy for her.

Till… oh no! She found another macho! I knew she was going to disappear on MSN again and that’s what she did. Her boy friend even made her change her mobile number; this way he made sure that none of her old friends can contact her again. He declared his triumph as his girlfriend won’t hear a “masculine” voice anymore. (Well, he is right… I mean, what if she heard some masculine voice and got pregnant?)

As she blocked me for the third time if I am not mistaken, so I played dumb and emailed her asking why she blocked me. She replied, with utter pride that her fiancé does not let her talk with other men. I got really disgusted of such a “friendship” and told her that I will delete her and wished her a happy life.

Although I am happy that she got engaged, I started to wonder about her character. She keeps searching for someone to dominate her. She feels proud being someone’s tool. Does this categorize her as an “oral character”?

The question is, shall I email her the link to the Wikipedia article about the “oral stage”? Or maybe it is none of my business!

Back (or is it Front?)

2007-10-08T22:27:00.000+03:00

Yes, you are right, I am going to revive my blog! ;)

I will create new links to my friend's blogs by end of this week and hopefully I will upload few posts.

Miss you all. :)